Yesterday I received a phone call from my dentist’s receptionist. “Bonnie is gone.” What? I was in shock and the more Darlene spoke, the more tears fell. Bonnie and I had a lot in common; single post- menopausal women, musicians (she played cello and I, Native American flute,) and artists (she did water colors and I, charcoal landscape drawing, poetry, and photography.) I loved our twice a year conversations and now there is an empty place in my heart.

“We have to clean our garages,” Darlene said that Bonnie told her two days before, “because if something happens to us, ‘they’ will bring in a dumpster. Two days after Bonnie’s passing, a big dumpster was in the yard.”

I’ve often thought this very thing as my family hasn’t always been interested in my work and art. I know that much of the stuff that brings me such joy will be trash to others. The years of my life, the heartaches and joys and accomplishments recorded on the pages of my journals will not hold anyone else’s attention. Some of my “unusual” art pieces won’t be of any use. The “someday” project bits lying in wait will certainly make it into a dumpster or burn pile. Books, works in progress, and supplies will also be tossed.

I don’t want to push my beliefs and passions onto those unwilling to enjoy this part of the journey. I can accept that family does not share my interests. They are busy with their own and that’s okay. There are those out there who have bought books or pictures and those who like reading my poems and articles. I always figured that if one person gets something out of one of my pictures or if I touch the heart of another, then I have done my job.

This does not mean that I am giving up. I love what I do and the joy bubbles over. I am excited about my endeavors and every day is an adventure. I experiment with mediums. I explore ways to share my findings. This is Passion, and the drive makes me dance (at least on the inside.) I will continue to do my work with the realization that most of it will probably disappear in time. I will keep on taking pictures and drawing. I’ll write poetry and let my emotions carry my fingers across the keyboard. I’ll play my flutes and watch the birds. My heart is full of joy.

HEALING AND HONORING THE SELF


My mind has been jumping trying to decide how to proceed, who to call, and do we drop everything when someone needs a healing. It's funny how things seem to happen at once. One minute I feel I don't have much of a life, then the next minute I am feeling bogged down with so much going on.

I've been getting some feedback from all of you and what is coming to me this morning is that we are all on a learning curve. These past couple months, few weeks, have brought us different and not so different concepts. We are having our... selves... challenged and tossed around. Some of it excites us, some of it makes us uncomfortable, some it scares the whey out of us, and some of it makes us angry. Some of it we believe and some of it we don't.

This is spring, a place of new beginnings, and we are discovering better understandings of who we are as women and individuals. These latest teachings are having an impact on our lives and the biggest thing that is coming out for me right now is in HONORING THE SELF. This is where we make the decision of what we want to believe and what to leave behind. We know that we don't have to believe everything that is said to us and that what is true for me might not be so for you. And that is okay! We still love and respect one another.

Another thing that is coming up for me is that our Tuesday nights are VERY IMPORTANT... for us and I agree that we need to keep our time special. We need that opportunity to be and to let down and be able to have a little chance where we don't have to be totally responsible and we can cry and grieve or rant and rave. We need that time so that we can go back to family and clients with a whole heart.

One of the hardest lessons in life to learn is to set boundaries and learn to say no... then again, some of us need to learn to speak up, ha ha. (My next goal is to approach printing places to get a cheaper printing for my book--- and I have to be able to talk to them.) And even though we are a group, we don't do things the same and we don't have to. That's what's so amazing about us. I love our individual styles! I love that we have such diversity and yet come together in peace, love, and respect.

Now, in doing group healings... I said from the beginning that we don't all have to participate. It's up to each one of us to decide when she wants to and when she's able to. Sometimes too, there are people we cannot work on and we respect ourselves for that. However, I do think we should set a time when, as a group, we would be available to do a group healing--- and that's not saying you'd have to come. For Tuesday night, I'd like to come up with one or two days/evenings a month that would be set aside for group healings. That way we'd all know that there might be something coming up.

This doesn't mean that another time or instance might happen. We set our own boundaries and we have to honor ourselves for our choices. This isn't always easy because sometimes we want to do something and just cannot...
and we have to honor that, too. I know from personal experience that it's hard not to beat yourself up.

So, in closing, I just want to remind everyone to be true to yourselves. When new teachings resonate with you, take it in. If something doesn't, then it doesn't. You know what works for you and what doesn't. Honor yourself.
We are growing and getting better all the time.