Sunday, March 07, 2010

Yesterday I received a phone call from my dentist’s receptionist. “Bonnie is gone.” What? I was in shock and the more Darlene spoke, the more tears fell. Bonnie and I had a lot in common; single post- menopausal women, musicians (she played cello and I, Native American flute,) and artists (she did water colors and I, charcoal landscape drawing, poetry, and photography.) I loved our twice a year conversations and now there is an empty place in my heart.

“We have to clean our garages,” Darlene said that Bonnie told her two days before, “because if something happens to us, ‘they’ will bring in a dumpster. Two days after Bonnie’s passing, a big dumpster was in the yard.”

I’ve often thought this very thing as my family hasn’t always been interested in my work and art. I know that much of the stuff that brings me such joy will be trash to others. The years of my life, the heartaches and joys and accomplishments recorded on the pages of my journals will not hold anyone else’s attention. Some of my “unusual” art pieces won’t be of any use. The “someday” project bits lying in wait will certainly make it into a dumpster or burn pile. Books, works in progress, and supplies will also be tossed.

I don’t want to push my beliefs and passions onto those unwilling to enjoy this part of the journey. I can accept that family does not share my interests. They are busy with their own and that’s okay. There are those out there who have bought books or pictures and those who like reading my poems and articles. I always figured that if one person gets something out of one of my pictures or if I touch the heart of another, then I have done my job.

This does not mean that I am giving up. I love what I do and the joy bubbles over. I am excited about my endeavors and every day is an adventure. I experiment with mediums. I explore ways to share my findings. This is Passion, and the drive makes me dance (at least on the inside.) I will continue to do my work with the realization that most of it will probably disappear in time. I will keep on taking pictures and drawing. I’ll write poetry and let my emotions carry my fingers across the keyboard. I’ll play my flutes and watch the birds. My heart is full of joy.

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