Sunday, January 25, 2009

I thought this was my dream house. I thought I wouldn't ever want to move again. Once more when I've thought "I've arrived" I find I am only on a stepping stone to the next place.
Oh, don't get me wrong, this place is really nice and the views are fabulous! It's just that I'd like a little more privacy. When we bought this place, I didn't realize that the field 30 feet from the back door was a snowmobile trail. I didn't realize that there'd always be people walking by--- which I don't really mind--- except when their dogs come in the yard and eat the food we put out for the birds.
I know people aren't really looking in the windows but it feels that way and when the snowmobiles ride back and forth, I feel intruded upon by the presence and the noise, and when the lights shine in the window at night, I really feel my privacy is invaded and that we are on display.
So this has become another lesson in learning what I want. I certainly don't regret moving here. I love looking across the field to the mountains. I love the peacefulness of the area (except when snowmobiles are zooming past.) What's really ironic is that there are particular things I wanted in a house, but because I fell in love with this property, I did not pay attention to the other.
Do I have regrets? No, of course not. I made a decision for that time. I could have done things differently. I could have held off and not been so impatient to move. That's all water under the bridge. We came here and that was good. Now it is time to start thinking about another move. There's time to plan. We'll need to wait for the economy to come up.
Plus I need to consider that the next move might be without Ma and I am NOT ready for that! I am not ready to be alone. Maybe that's why I am being disillusioned about this property. Maybe I am being prepared. I really don't want to think about that. I'm not willing to let her go yet nor is she really ready to go.
For this moment, though, I need to move on. Didn't mean to sound...down, this morning. I'm not really. Just thinking and preparing. 'Course I do have to wonder if I should continue unpacking and setting up my studio... Yeah, because then it could be better organized when the time comes to pack it back up. Who knows, I may even accomplish something great before then.
What's in a dream house?
What are you preparing for?

2 comments:

Lou said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lou said...

What is it about the morning that offers such clarity to our inner mind-chat? Seems to me that there is always this new slate to write or draw on once we greet the day...even thought it (the slate) is always in the same place we left it the night before. Maybe that's the problem with moving forward as you spoke of Sasha...that the morning teases us with a new sensation of 'newness', but after a while the oldness creeps in because we are still strained in our sameness? Well, just a thought on this still-life morning. Lou