Saturday, January 31, 2009

Please bear with me on this writing. I am "thinking" and pulling thoughts together, so this might not be a finished piece.
I am faced with some kind of challenge every day and sometimes my frustration levels make me pull back and go into hiding. Still, I have to face them. Today, for instance, I cannot get into Outlook Express to check my e-mails and when I am working with deadlines, it puts me behind schedule. I did some updates and took the time while waiting to clean my bathroom. Back to the computer and I still couldn't check e-mails. Perhaps it's tds and I am just not meant to do that today. That has happened before and the next day everything is fine.
Oh, I know, you will tell me that challenges will make one strong and I do realize that is true. I have pared my life down in an effort to be more relaxed and spontaneous, but darn, I am still butting my head against the wall. Maybe it is part of the human condition. One Buddhist belief is that we are here to suffer and it sure seems like that way sometimes.
But I refuse to bow down to the "oh, woe is me" syndrome. I am not going to let myself feel like everything goes wrong. I am determined to celebrate life!
However, issues do need to be addressed. Sweeping problems under the rug is never the answer, so I want to look at what it means to face daily challenges and how I go about dealing with them. I am constantly asking myself (or the Universe) questions and many times will receive answers in one form or other.
If I break it down, the issues don't appear to be the same. Today, it's Outlook Express, yesterday it was trying to get lint off of plexiglass to frame my drawings, earlier it was dealing with my mother's failing memory, the night before was uplifting someone who is going through a hard time, or shoveling snow, et. al. It's as if the moment I deal with one thing, something else will come along to get in my face.
I like to think that most of the time I do very well. One thing I have learned about myself is that my first reactions are often... negative... although I like to think that I don't let that out. (Oh, sometimes I do...) I know that I have to step back and let the situation be for a bit, to sleep on it. Then I am able to cope with my reaction and the issue.
That doesn't always work, though. No matter how hard a negative reaction is held back, part of it leaks through. If the person you are dealing with is sensitive, they will pick up on that attitude and most of the time, I don't want that to happen. There are times when all a person will remember is that initial reaction and I can come across as unfriendly and stand-offish.
On the other hand, if we hold back, are we being untrue to ourselves? This is where diplomacy and good communication comes in. There are many times when I'd have less stress over a situation if I simply asked for clarity. I'm getting to know myself well and in the effort to respect others, it is sometimes better to back off and let them be and that doesn't mean being untrue to the self.
In dealing with any challenge, it is important that I know my truth. I can listen to someone and in my heart disagree, but I can be open enough to allow them their say... and if a situation should get to the point where I cannot do that, then it is time for me to leave. Other daily challenges, such as when I cannot do something the way I want it done, I have to just step back and give myself time to figure it out. I will ask questions of others and wait til I am comfortable enough to work with it again.
What is most interesting are some of the thoughts that stir when faced with these challenges. Perhaps that is the real reason that the difficulties come up. I have to THINK, take a bigger picture and sometimes narrow it down--- deep down. Then once I come to terms with that issue, I can broaden my focus once again and when I am able to do that, I almost always have more clarity and better vision. I will feel more at peace because I have dealt with a situation and come out whole. SOME kind of healing will have taken place.
And thus I have babbled this morning. There's much more to this subject, but for now, I am done. Eventually I bring together a more concise and meaningful piece. I hope you enjoy and will tell me your thoughts about challenges and healing from them.

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