Sunday, February 01, 2009

The muse is upon me even before I get out of bed in the morning. She is chattering in my head while I get showered and dressed. She is impatient as I make my coffee and she is not happy until I am at my writing desk.
I love the early mornings and there is a specialness about the pre-dawn. The muse is eager to tell me of stirrings in the night only I don't quite have the language. Instead, I pull out issues from my own soul as she breathes fire on them and the more I write, the more active my brain becomes. The fire roars and I often jump from one subject to another as ideas ebb and flow like the tide.
In those moments of gushing creativity I am totally alive and my poor fingers cannot capture all the thoughts crashing like a wave over my head. I can only catch a few drops before I am dry and done for the day.
Mornings are my joy, my breath of life. When I get those feelings of "done," I am done and nothing can call the muse back. Happiness fills me and no matter what else I do the rest of the day, I have had my time.
Mornings also happen to be the time when my mother cannot stand to be alone. Even though she's on medications, she is often upset and panicky when she awakes. She wants conversation and company. I am cranky to be called from the muse because the muse will not tolerate the loss of full attention. Both demand my time simultaneously.
If I give in to my mother, the muse slips away and sometimes won't completely return for a day or more. If I give in to the muse, then my attention is split between the writing and the worry about my mother. Both are demanding of my time and both have their ways of "punishing" me if I don't give them their due.
But I love my life! I love life. I am grateful for so many things; to so many people. I have made the choice to be here in this space and this time. I want to celebrate what comes, no matter what. Tears and joy go hand in hand. I am thankful that the muse returns time after time and I appreciate my mother in all her glory and trappings.
And I love the mornings before dawn. Evergreens and field, mountain and changing skies draw my eyes and my wandering mind. My attention returns to page and with a sigh, fingers move and colors emerge.
Enjoy today, my friends. Laugh and cry and live!

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